is this a simpsons joke yet?

Homer fucked up at work or something, I don't know. For whatever reason, the Simpson family is shopping at the discount supermarket. Let's call it Sortafresh.

Marge: Ehh. I don't know. I've never heard of "scrod" before.

CUT TO SIGN

"'SCROD' Compare to 'COD'"

--credit: Emily Benjamin (I didn't think of this, I just wanted an excuse to use my new "is this a simpsons joke yet?" graphic).

laptop: more than just a musical instrument

Lately I have been leaving my plugged-in laptop on my bed in the spot I most strongly suspect my butt to land when I return home from work.

Like a seat-warmer, except it feel less like you peed yourself.

Moss et Ideas, EXEUNT!

my first pun

Driving through Watchung Plaza, a commercial area in my hometown where I spent countless hours working/buying dutches/consuming pizza, I was struck by the memory of what I believe to have been my first pun.

I was eating pizza at Mr. Dino's (the old Mr. Dino's, located in the space now occupied by Orbis Ambiguous Bistro) with a friend and her father. I'm going to place this memory in 1993: Video is king and Watchung Plaza boasts no fewer than three video stores. We ogle Mount Video, which I suspect sustained itself with an extensive back room selection. It's an unfounded theory but the place was seedy looking, the name was an afterthought, and I was always discouraged from entering.

--I further suspect that internet porn proved Mount Video's unmaking, It was the first of our local video stores to bite it, the trend finalized last year with the unceremonious closing of Towne Video, the store whose clerk Sam and I tortured so thoroughly he eventually slipped us (a couple of nine-year-old girls) Suspiria. Presumably in the hopes of scaring us so thoroughly we'd never return. In the parlance of our times: EPIC FAIL.--

Back to the pizza place: Fresh off a geography class, I remember positing that one could open a video store named Monte Video whose tagline would read, "Uruguay-ing to Love It."

I remember expecting laughter and receiving only puzzlement, even concern. The path of a punster is a lonely, lonely road.

is this a simpsons joke yet?

I'm going to start a feature on this blog -- Is This A Simpsons Joke Yet?

Mafioso-type character threatens to "put a hit out" on someone. Next shot, he's entering a building with a sign that says, "House of Whacks."

watch. this.

Look. I like to watch the A&E reality show Intervention. I'm strongly interested in the causes and effects of trauma, addiction, and mental disease on people's personalities, and it's way easier to watch this digestible one-hour TV show than it is to, for instance, date a career drug user and alcoholic for a year. Or listen to half the people at bars. So I let myself have intervention with the understanding that other people's opinions on the show generally range from disinterest to repulsion. I get it. But seriously:

Season 8 Episode 1 is FUCKING GENIUS. Basically this chick is hooked on super strong painkillers and has convinced her family -and possibly herself- that she's so sick that she is sent into screaming fit levels of pain by everything from electricity to azaleas. And left turns.

I'm going to try to find the whole thing online, but it's definitely onDemand if you got it (my folks do). It really runs the gamut of fascinating human topics:

• painkiller addiction
• east vs. west culture clashes
• extraordinarily pathological passive aggressive manifestations of childhood anger
• ex-fucking-treme hysteria
• denial denial denial denial denial
• totally unjustified use of the word "weinerschnitzel"
• Mr. T

Jesus H. Christ on a fucking rubber crutch. It's unbelievable.

i've been up all night.

I am listening to this:



It's not really that interesting. It's the same version The Animals ripped off Bob Dylan and Bob Dylan ripped off that guy in the documentary with the Hawaiian shirt and the Hemingway hat (?) and the laugh (I know I should remember the guy's name but honestly in my brain right now it's all The Laugh). I say this as a fact when really I'm just taking the Laugh Guy's word for it. He's imposing.

ANYWAY. Jesus I digress.

The point is you've got to applaud any Japanese dude for stepping into that minefield of unfriendly consonant sounds.

Yeesh.

i just watched it

Just watched Hedi Fleiss: Hollywood Madam and it left this question stuck... in one of my frontal lobes, I suppose (I have no idea how the human brain works):

How many hippies do you think have accidentally sexually abused their own children?


Moving on! It's a good documentary. I'd recommend you follow the link to Hulu if you've got a strong interest in any of the following topics:

-puzzling fake tits
-pre-VH1 overexposure (not giving that statement a second thought) Ron Jeremy hangin' out, shootin' the shit
-Hungarian accents
-sociopaths
-general Hollywood sleaze

And let it run for a minute. Yes, the documentarian has an insipid British accent and the irritating manner of... a documentarian. But it gets better. There's an Israeli hit man named Cookie involved, I promise.